I realize it's been a while since I've posted anything to the blog. To be honest, on top of being crazy busy, I've just been enjoying my time with the girls.
Well, not always. Some days are long, filled with whining, bickering and multiple timeouts.
But that's life.
Now that Ash is back to school, I find myself with a few minutes here and there to sit. Sometimes sitting is a good thing but sometimes sitting leads to reflecting, and reflecting leads to reliving that awful morning.
We're all doing better. We aren't 100%, but we are better than we were yesterday. Ash struggles with "image" and being concerned with people making fun of her cast. It breaks my heart knowing she wastes time worrying about such meaningless things. But it's an honest concern for her, so we have helped her deal with it. Our coping mechanisms may not get us nominated for Parents Of the Year, but eh. Who cares? I can almost guarantee that kids will leave her alone, though. And that's all we care about.
Natalie still struggles with her 'demons' but is doing better than she was. The fact that she talks about the accident so much and has so many questions is by far a better approach to her not talking about it at all.
Everything just takes time.
On December 26th Ashley had a dressing change. This was our first opportunity to see her wounds as everything had been wrapped up since her surgery. As a mom it was heartbreaking to see the damage done her to precious and innocent body, but it was also amazing to see Ashley acting so strong and handling such a mature situation with grace. Kathy and Angie were there; it was nice to have Angie's expert eyes to survey the situation. Ashley went from a elbow-to-wrist splint to an armpit-to-wrist splint that had her elbow bent at a 90* angle. They also re-wrapped the dressing on all of her stitches. For the most part things looked to be healing well.
Monday morning December 30 at 8 am Jake and I and Ash found ourselves back at the hospital. Ashley would undergo light sedation to get the stitches removed and her permanent, fiberglass (pink!) cast put on. Ash was in good spirits. She and I spent quite a while talking about what things would look like after the surgery. Ashley was anxious and told us a few times that she might not want to see her cuts and scars right away. It was nice hearing her say those things; most of the time Ash is super brave and strong, but to a fault. She doesn't like people to see her cry. She doesn't like to admit when things hurt. She doesn't like anyone to know she's upset. So just having her being honest with me helped calm some of my fears.
The stitch removal (the surgeon said he counted 59 total!) and casting went perfectly. Jake and I had reservations about the stitches being removed from her middle finger because, even today, the wound isn't healed and still bleeds and re-scabs on occasion. We questioned the surgeon and he almost seemed to poo-poo our concerns. We had the nurse put a bandaid on it and on the way home I bought butterfly bandages to help close it up. Unfortunately the casting didn't allow us the opportunity to view the wounds on the top and palm of her hand (the palm of her hand was damaged quite bad), so we're anxious for January 28 to come when the cast gets removed and we can see everything, in full.
Later on the 30th it was apparent to us that Ashley needed some sort of physical therapy. She was unable to bend her (very swollen and discolored) elbow; she couldn't touch her nose/ear because she couldn't lift her arm/bend her elbow. I called our pediatrician and he got us hooked up with a physical therapist (PT) right away. They scheduled us for the next morning and the PT worked so carefully and diligently with Ashley. She explained the real possibility of nerve damage as she (as well as the ER doc the day of the accident) believe Ashley's elbow dislocated and reset itself (the X-Ray didn't show a dislocated elbow but given her loosey-goosey joints, it's possible it did happen). Hearing the PT say those things made my sick to my stomach and made the road to recovery get that much longer. The PT gently massaged Ash's arm and elbow and gave her a list of exercises to do. She also advised that Ash wear her sling during the day so that her arm didn't just hang and thus cause more swelling to her elbow. The instant we got into the car Ash announced she didn't want to wear her sling, so I didn't push the subject. Imagine my excitement and pride when a few hours later I watched as Ash willingly, and without prompting, put her sling on. :)
At this point Ash will have PT once a week for the next however many weeks it takes. Her cast is set to come off January 28 and just a few days ago she was able to lift her arm, bend her elbow and touch her nose. I nearly burst into tears witnessing her perform such a simple task. Our pediatrician explained that instead of nerve damage it could simply be nerve swelling, so we've been praying for that, daily.
Natty Kat is still as energetic and spunky as ever. She says things that make my heart ache and is proof she's been injured from this whole ordeal as well, even if we can't see those injuries. She asked to come along to Ashley's school drop off yesterday morning and I said no as I had to talk with her teacher and PE teacher and principal about Ashley's "special needs". Natty's face turned to one of concern and said "But Mommy, who will be there to help you if the car flips on the ice again?" She'll forever be "the fixer" and problem solver extraordinaire, and while that's a great personality trait, it can also be detrimental. We are currently looking for a child therapist she can talk to and who can Jake and I help Natty work through her fears and anxieties.
Physically I am doing fine. My aches and pains have all but left. I'm the first to admit I have issues with driving. It took nearly a week for me to get behind the wheel after the accident, and even then it wasn't without anxieties and tears. Kathy was kind enough to drive me to the airport to pick up Shawna because I thought I was ready when I wasn't. I'm not going to lie: I check the thermometer multiple times before I drive and even while I'm driving. Anything below 35 and I find myself tensing up. But I know the only way to get over my fears is to face them head one, shoulders square. I don't enjoy the anxious way I feel behind the wheel, but I also don't enjoy feeling like I've lost control of me.
Currently Jake is going rounds with the insurance guy over the Excursion and it's replacement value. Someone should have warned the insurance guy that Jake is all seeing and knowing when it comes to the Ford Super Duty and ain't nobody on this planet going to be able to short Jake or pull the wool over his eyes. I'm so thankful that Jake can handle this stuff with such strength and grace. I told Jake this morning that insurance companies make it hard for people to get over the emotions of an accident since they drag their feet on finalizing anything. If only they could feel the emotional damage they're causing to folks by being so moronic and ridiculous then maybe, just maybe, they'd change their ways.
I would like to apologize to anyone that called and left me a voicemail; I had nearly 30 messages and when I finally got to sit down to sift through them, the voicemail suddenly became unavailable. So if you left me message and wanted a call back, I am sorry. I do appreciate you thinking of us and praying for us. I will ask that if you are wondering how you can help, prayer is the answer. This morning as we drove to school Natalie said "There's were we flipped and God held Ashley in His giant hands."
Do you need any more proof that prayer works?
Here are some pictures I've taken the last few weeks of Ashley's progress. I'm not including the ones I took of her wounds the day of the dressing change. I'm not sure that's something I want "out there" just yet. If ever. The pictures are on my phone and any of the girls can see them anytime they want (and they do ask to see them). We are trying hard to parent honestly but we also know the limit of what a 4 and 6 year can handle. But if they ask a certain, specific question, we answer with honesty and integrity.
They deserve nothing less.
Dressing change December 26, 2013
Armed with a giant hair bow, Ash can handle anything!
Ash knew when she wanted to watch and she knew when she wanted to look away - can't ask for more than that
So proud of that freckled-face beauty
Watching as your daughter's broken arm is unwrapped and thus not at all stabilized is a tough thing for a mom to do
December 27 - the morning after the dressing change
Ash woke up and her bandages were falling off - lucky for her it was Dr Aunt Angie to the rescue!
We love Aunt Angie! Aunt Katie's not bad, either!
December 30, 8 am
All smiles as she heads into the hospital, anxious to get her pink cast
And all this time I thought she liked when I smooched on her
Ash picked a Campbell's Soup scrub hat and now it resides with the others in their play doctor kit - they now have 4 AUTHENTIC scrub hats. I'm not sure this is something we should brag about?
Love that she explains to the nurse what a blood pressure cuff does
5 minutes post "cocktail" (a beautiful combination of Tylenol for pain and Versed to forget it ever happened)...
...7 minutes post cocktail and feeling happy...
...8 minutes post cocktail and smiling like a goon...
...9 minutes post cocktail and feeling FIIIIIINE
She is officially drugged and loopy
The official mark of Dr Blake to say this is the arm they should be working on
Chatting with her anesthetist Dr. Drew
It gives me a certain thrill knowing we can write Ash notes of love and encouragement and she can actually read them!
As far as they'd let me go - the "Kissing Corner" where I had to say "See ya soon!" to my beautiful and brave first blessing. By this point she was half asleep and unaware of my tears and anxieties.
Our beauty is back and already has signatures on her sporty pink cast!
The finger that probably should have had the stitches left in it a while longer - don't worry, someone will pay for this
Still half dopey and playing with her anesthesiology balloon. When they joked about her blowing it up, very seriously she said "My daddy has a compressor in the shop that can blow it up." A 6 year old schooling them on a compressor? I like it!
At this point I hugged her and said "You smell like anesthesiology" to which Midget replied "I smell like an Irate Diesel truck!" What does that even mean?!
Ash insisted we sign her cast *immediately*; she requested "Mom" with a smiley face, heart and Irate Diesel Performance cross. When they told her she could take the permanent marker with her she said "That's alright. My Daddy has lots and lots of them for work. He even has them in his shop and his truck!" Ha!
Still high on the good stuff
About 4 days post stitch removal (the pics taken the day of the removal are a bit gory)
We promised Ash if she doesn't like the way it heals (or any of the cuts for that matter) then we will take her to a special doc (AKA plastic surgeon) who can make her scars smaller. These pictures don't show the lumpy skin where it had to be pulled together to stitch. The scar tissue is thick and obvious but right now it's still too tender for us to massage with Vitamin E oil so we'll wait.
