Prelude...
I've sat down nearly a dozen times to write out this birth story. I started it the day we brought Keely home (September 8) and have worked on it off and on ever since. Part of it was written while I was in the midst of a pain pill high, some of it was written as I struggled to get a handle on my emotions and tears actually fell from my eyes and parts of it were written while I tried to coral Midget and Natty Kat all-the-while feed and burp Keely. It's important to *me* that I write down my girls birth stories in as much detail as I can muster. It helps me work through the ups and downs of life with a newborn. It'll also serve as (what I hope will be) a great gift to give my precious daughters one day; the story of the day they were born. It's long. It's lengthy. It's legit. Read if you like, ignore if you like. Doesn't matter much to me as it's all for our beautiful gift, Keely Riane.
Most of you know by now that Keely is here.
And she's perfect.
As if there was ever going to be a question.
Maybe I'm making a mistake by writing this post while enjoying the effects of not 1 but 2 oxycodone (update: I started this post a few days ago and have since decreased my pain meds, even though 2 oxy was kind of fun....). Maybe I should wait until I sober up. But I won't. So let's get started.
The plan had been all along that we would leave for Emanuel at 8 am on Tuesday morning. Someone was there to be with the girls. The bags were packed. I had everything set out and I knew what needed to be done the morning of before we hit the road.
What's that saying about "Wanna hear God laugh? Then tell Him your plans."?. Yeah, that stuff seriously happens.
In true 9 month preggo fashion I woke up at 2 am needing to use the restroom. To be honest I was surprise I was even asleep to begin with; there's a certain buzz that radiates through your body the night before you know your daughter will be born.
I came back to bed, flopped around until I found a semi-comfortable position and then spent the next 20 minutes wiggling and rolling. I couldn't settle or get truly comfy no matter how hard I tried. Finally at 2:30 I had an epiphany: I'm not getting comfortable because I'm contracting.
Oooooof course.
I stayed in bed until 3 am, taking note of the contractions and wondering if this was actually happening. I eventually made my way downstairs where I drank some water to see if that stopped them, did some email, watched some bad TV and continued to make notes and write down the contraction times. My contractions were anywhere from 5 to 12 minutes apart. They weren't painful by any means and would only last 30 seconds at the most. But the fact still remained they were consistent and since it was nearly 5 am and it had been going on since 2:30, I figured it was time to let Jake in on my little secret.
Poor guy. I had to wake him up an hour before we were originally going to get up. But I figured given the circumstances, it'd be okay. We decided I should call Labor & Delivery (L&D) and get their advice on how to proceed. Since I was already scheduled for a C-Section (C) at noon, I wondered if they'd just tell me to hold off since I was just in early labor. But when I mentioned Keely Q was being quiet through all of it, the L&D nurse advised us to start making our way to the hospital.
Turns out, even though we picked the day, Keely would be doing her darndest to pick the time.
After making the appropriate phone calls, cautiously waking Shawna to tell her the news (note to self: helmet and full body armor is preferred when poking that bear) and putting the finishing touches on my hospital bag, I jumped in the shower and got myself ready, contracting the whole time and desperately feeling for Keely to kick me, squeeze my bladder of at the very least give me a quick sucker-punch. I think we left the house around 7, hopped down the road to get Kathy and then pointed the truck north for the drive.
Upon arriving at the hospital, we were put in a room, I was hooked up to monitors and was instantly relieved to hear Keely Q's strong heartbeat and occasional kick. I was so happy to see the contractions registering on the monitor. I feared we'd get up there and I would either stop contracting or worse yet, not even have any and be told I'm just a crazy preggo lady. But the proof was in the print-out; the contractions where there, they were strong and they were consistent. I was definitely in labor.
Shazam!
My doc was notified and since both Keely and I were stable and not in any danger, he decided to just wait until the regularly scheduled noon C to deliver.
So that meant it was just a matter of waiting.
Because I do waiting so well.
Next task was getting my IV line. And if you know me, you'll know how much I was dreading this. Turns out the right technique (wrapping my hands in warm, moist towels and letting them sit for 10 minutes) and a nurse with a gentle touch was all I'd ever need to get the line on the first attempt.
Incredible!
Somewhere during all of the fun Mom and Dad showed up and then had to leave to run a quick errand and Jake had to step out for a few business-related phone calls. Jakey no sooner left than my nurse walked back in with a little guy who introduced himself as my doctor.
Whoa. Hold the phone. You're nowhere near my doctor, buddy. For one you're 20 years younger AND another? You're easily 15 inches shorter.
No one could quite tell me exactly how it happened, but my doc, Dr Buckmaster (Dr B) had apparently been "over booked" and wouldn't be able to perform the C.
Say whaaaaaa?
So here we are, back at square one. It looks like some complete stranger will be holding the scalpel.
God works in mysterious ways and on that particular day He was looking out for the staff at Emanuel. Not only had Jake stepped out of the room, but Shawna also hadn't shown up yet. I know had either (or heaven forbid both) of them been there during this little talk, it would have spelled disaster. I listened to Short Doc explaining the change in plans and tried to be open, inviting and not bitchy (not always an easy task). 10 minutes into his talk, and right about the time I feared I'd lose my cool, there was a small knock at the door. I'm not sure who it was, but when I heard "Just spoke with John (Dr B) and he'll be here around 11:30", it didn't matter. Short Doc turned back to me and said "Well, let's shelve the conversation we were just having and move on. Do you have any questions about the C?" and with that he exhaled and let the look of relief wash over his face.
And the rage boiling inside of me vanished.
From this point on nothing really stands out in my memory bank. I know there was a lot of prep work, a lot of papers to sign, doctors to talk with, including Dr B (yay!) and plenty of nerves to go around. Mom and Dad returned, Shawna showed up and Jake wrapped up his final phone call. Kathy and I filled them in on the near disaster with Short Doc and we all shared a laugh at what could have been. Before too long our nurse was directing Jake to put on his scrubs, including the shoe booties and hat. I was wrapped in the Bear Paws warmer to get me toasty before the C and the entire time I couldn't help but think "It's almost time. It's almost time. Lordy! Lordy! It's almost time!" My contractions were increasing in strength and frequency; maybe it was brought on by nerves or maybe it was Keely letting me know she knew what was going down? Who knows.
I'm not sure the exact time it happened, but our nurse had me getting out of bed, hugging everyone in the room and preparing for the walk to the operation room. At some point I cried, my nerves gave one final flip-flop and I found myself being led into the operating room. I asked the nurse if they were going to play the theme from Rocky as I made my way to the table.
As I swung my legs onto the frigid table, I couldn't help be think "This is really anti-climatic!" No pushing, no surprises, really not much waiting. Instead the atmosphere was calm, collected, well-thought-out and perfectly arranged.
After getting my block and then talking myself down from throwing up (thanks to the meds I had to choke down that were supposed to keep nausea at bay - I'd say they need new meds), out of the blue I got really hot and sweaty, which is crazy given the room was like the Arctic. I mentioned it to my anesthesiologist who busied himself adding something to my IV line. I later found out I needed a shot of epinephrine (like what I have to shoot myself with if I ever get stung by a bee) as my blood pressure had tanked (not surprising since my normal pressure is 90/60 - so it doesn't really have very far to go when it drops). I finally started to cool down and someone was kind enough to wipe the sweat from my forehead (gotta look good for the pics about to be taken!). Jake eventually cruised in and it seemed everyone was in place and ready to start. Every person in the room (11 to be exact) went through their name, title and verbally verified they had seen my consent form. It was like a well-oiled machine in that place. Even person had a job, even thing had it's place and everyone had to work in perfect harmony to avoid any sort of disaster.
I kept thinking to myself that the whole thing was anti-climatic in comparison to a vaginal delivery. And even though I'm a romantic and enjoyed the unpredictability of going into labor on my own and delivering vaginally, given my history I knew that operating room was the *only* place I needed to be. I mentioned how I felt it was anti-climatic to Jake and he just smiled at me and squeezed my hand. For as anxious as I was, I at least was on some pretty heavy drugs. Poor Jake had to feel every emotion, deal with every anxiety and all that worry all while being stone sober. We held hands and waited. I'd sneak a look over at him, we'd smile, a tear would escape from my eye, and we'd wait some more. At one point I said "This seems like it's taking forever!" and we'd wait some more. Somewhere about 20 minutes into the fun the room started getting warm again. Someone said "Feel the warmth? That means it's about baby time!"
By then I didn't know which one of us was squeezing the others hand tighter. In those seconds before you meet your child there are so many things that go through your mind all at once. In addition to the things like "Who's eyes will she have? Hair and color? Will she get Jake's teeny tiny ears? Will I finally birth someone who looks like me?" things like "Will she be healthy? Will she have any abnormalities? Will she have anything like Downes or some form of retardation?" also run rampant through your mind. And whether or not people actually admit it, they do actually think about those things and how it would impact their lives.
I'm just pointing out the truth.
Since we couldn't see anything but the bright blue cape in front of us, I was straining my ears to for that first scream. I had imagined this exact scenario a million times before. There's something about being denied those first precious cries that sticks with you for life. We never got to hear Ashley or Natalie crying given the events that took place during their birth. We never got to see a healthy pink baby. My prayers for this entire pregnancy had been a screaming, pink baby. And the time had finally come; we were just seconds away.
The exact second I heard Keely whimper and then wail I wanted so badly to have my eyes on her but that damn cape was in our way. I locked eyes with Jake and couldn't control the tears streaming from my eyes (not all that comfortable given I was laying on my back so they were rolling into my ears). Jake's eyes were sparkling with fresh tears too, and I didn't have to be a mind reader to know what was going through his mind because the exact scene was playing through mine as well.
For once it sounded like it was supposed to sound when a baby was born. For once we just might get a PINK bundle of joy. For once the feeling of love and happiness was first in our hearts instead of the overwhelming sense of fear and dread.
When they finally held her up for us to see, I couldn't breath. She was beautiful. She was healthy. And she was here, safely. My head kept ping-ponging back and forth between Keely and Jake. For as wonderful as it was to see her, it was just as rewarding to see Jake so relieved and completely in love. The silly mask they made him wear did nothing to hide his smile because when Jake smiles, truly smiles, it makes his entire face glow. I don't remember which one of us said it, but as some point during all of this, there was a thank you prayer thrown out to God that we got what we had asked for: pink and screaming.
Because I was having a C Jake wasn't given the opportunity to cut the cord. But this didn't matter to him; it's not like he got the opportunity with Ash or Natty (but in those cases even if he had wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to anyhow),. In some ways it's like he'll never know what he was missing. And besides that, the idea of it sort of oogs him out, so I'm not sure he would have anyhow. :) After her cord was cut, the baby nurse (Mackenzie) took her to the warmer and gave her a quick wipe down, performed her APGAR tests (no 0's or 1's - already she's steps ahead of her sisters!), wrapped her up tight, and finally handed her off to Jake who was floating about 15 feet off of the ground. She took our camera and snapped a few pics of Daddy and his newest baby girl, and then it was FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY time for me to get to hold her. Nurse Mackenzie unwrapped her from her blanket, they pulled down my gown and set her directly on my chest. We stayed skin-to-skin like that the entire time the Dr B was closing me up (and cauterizing the layers which is a smell I'll never be able to forget - ick!).
I can't even describe the feeling of having Keely skin-to-skin with me because incredible can't hold a candle to what was pulsing through my veins. In comparison I was never given the chance to do skin-to-skin with either Midget or Spunky, again it was because of the circumstances surrounding their deliveries. It was something I always longed to do and here I was finally getting the chance. Because I was still splayed out on the table, I felt like I was all thumbs when it came to holding her. My position was such that she kept sliding down closer to my face which caused her little face to be smashed into the sticker on my chest used to monitor my heart during the surgery. We kept having to shimmy her back; couldn't risk damaging her precious little angelic face!
Like I said, we stayed skin-to-skin for the next 20 minutes. Jake took some pictures but I think he was happier with his hand on her back, just soothing and cooing to her. And because God is great, He heard and answered our prayers because Keely cried all but about 4 minutes of the time. I shushed her a few times, but I wasn't very convincing to her or myself. Listening to her exercise those lungs, taking breaths and even sneezing 8 or 9 times was what I had been waiting and longing for.
It wasn't much longer that I was very awkwardly but gingerly transferred from the operating table to my recovery bed and rolled down the hallway to the recovery room while Jake followed with our teeny package. Kathy, Mom and Dad were waiting there for us and got a quick peek at their newest granddaughter before they were sent out of the room. I wasn't paying attention to the millions of things my nurse was doing to me; I was only aware that I was holding our Belmont Stakes. Our third installment of our Triple Crown. Our Keely Riane.
It was obvious she was hungry, hungry, hungry, and with the assistance of my nurse and Jake, I was able to breastfeed her. It wasn't easy given I was completely numb from my chest down, but she got the hang of it and off we went.
I'm not sure how long it was just Jake, Keely, my nurse and I. I sort of had tunnel vision and couldn't see past the miracle in my arms and the love of my life at my side. At some point Kathy, Mom and Dad were allowed back in and I could see each of them itching and twitching to get to hold her. I admit, I'm always apprehensive to hand off my new babies because I just want to snuggle the stuffings right out of them, but the good thing about exclusively breastfeeding is that I know I'll get that back soon. :)
Keely was passed around, declared perfect, beautiful, wonderful and precious. All of which I already knew, but all of which I would never get tired of being reminded. Every time she was handed back to me for a bite to eat, I would stare at her and thank God for the gifts He's afforded us.
Holding Keely made me ache for Ashley and Natalie. When I gave birth to Ashley and was finally able to touch her for the very first time (over 30 minutes later but who's counting), I felt an *immediate* sense of guilt. My heart was so confused and torn; how on earth could I love this child so FIERCELY and completely when she had only been in our world for such a small amount of time? How could I split my love between Jake, who is my everything, and this child that stole my heart 9 months prior to that second? How would I love them both when they both meant everything to me? When Natalie came along 713 days later I remember feeling anxious and nervous that those feelings would wash over me again and that I'd go through the extreme guilt of figuring out how to share what was overflowing from my heart. Thankfully I never felt those feelings with Natty Kat and I believe it's because I finally let go and let God; a mother's love is something that just happens. It's natural. It's part of who I am. It's like breathing; I don't have to think about it, I just do it automatically. The weeks and days leading up to September 4th I didn't waste any time wondering or being concerned that I'd feel that guilt again because I knew it wouldn't come. Instead I'd just square my shoulders and say "Hey now, Riane, you've got this."
Boy do I.
As we near the 2 week mark with Keely Riane in our lives, I can't help but be excited about whats to come. Recovery from a C hasn't been easy. In fact it's been downright painful at times. Letting go of control and asking for and allowing others to help hasn't come easy for me, but I'm learning that the quicker I am to embrace that I'm not Super Woman, the quicker I'll heal and be able to do all the things I've dreamt about doing with our Triple Crown. In the days since we've brought Keely home I haven't always been the best version of myself and I'm working on that. It took me 9 months to grow her; it'll certainly take me longer than that to figure out how to handle being a mother of 3 girls.
3 beautiful, amazing, spirited and healthy girls.
Keely Riane Enos. Welcome to the family. We can't wait to grow and learn with you.
All wrapped up - hopefully it'll make the IV experience a little less traumatic
This is the face of excitement, anxiety and nervousness all wrapped into one
Dr B made it!
If only all the docs were as hot as Dr Jakey
Finishing off the ensemble with the hat and booties
Seconds before I took "the walk" - still bummed they didn't play the Rocky theme as I made my way down the hallway. Maybe next time?
I spared ya'll the pics of Keely fresh from my belly (including umbilical cord and other various body fluids and tubes) and instead opted for this one: our of view of Keely as she got cleaned up and passed her APGAR tests
By this point I was literally aching to hold her
Not sure if this was the first or second time Keely pooped on Mackenzie her nurse - Mackenzie later informed me she'd never got it twice by one baby. Way to go (literally!) Keely Q!
Someone is NOT happy - it's obvious she just wants her Daddy and Mommy
The first time Jake held Keely. A little story about this picture - this will forever be my most favorite picture of these two. I couldn't see them very well given my position but could hear the nurse with the camera saying "Okay, Daddy, look at the camera!" I heard Jake reply "Okay!" but never sensed his movement. I could tell the nurse was holding a few seconds before she finally released the shutter a few times. When I looked at pictures later on I was delighted to see 4 shots, all very similar to this one. It seems Daddy couldn't be bothered with pictures and instead was 100% keyed into Keely. Such a fierce love and bond this guy has with ALL of his girls.
And then it was my turn!
Together at last!
Keely and Mommy and all of Mommy's chins
Getting ready for our ride back to the room and the chance to meet Grandma, Nana and Papa
This is what happiness looks like
Nurse Mackenzie giving Keely another look-over
Again with the unhappy face
Later that day Aunt Katie got to hold Keely and introduce her to cousin WyWy
Aunt Shawna getting her snuggle time in
Still high on love.
And pain killers.
So excited Jessica got to visit and meet Keely, too
Big sister Ashley waited forever to give her littlest sister a kiss
Who's happy? This girl!
Headed back in for round #2
Cuddle time with my Spunky
She never runs out of love
Jessica looks totally comfortable - wonder when it'll be her in the bed and me sitting on the couch?
Not sure what's going on here but it looks like typical Natty Kat to me
Beautiful flowers arranged with love by Kathy - thank you Kathy!
Nap time, it's been a rough day
Spunky's over it and ready to watch some Caillou and cuddle with Mommy
Party room
Thanks for grabbing my camera and capturing some great shots, Jessica!
Daddy tracing Midget on our giant nurses board...
...and now it's Natalie's turn
My blessed family of 5
The gang's all here, except for Jess who was behind the lens
Our little cuties stayed with us even when they weren't with us
Natalie was ready to share some love with the little bundle who made her a Big Sister
Good night, world! It's been one heck of a day!
It's possible this vibrant green is my favorite color of all-time. 
Minis on a mission
Can't get enough Midget
Miles and miles and miles
Enjoying a spin around the farm in Brandon's truck
What's up, Natty Kat?
Doesn't usually happen; Natty is actually calm and lacking outward emotion
Hold on, Tissy!
